Table of Contents
- 1 Why Your Motivation Matters
- 2 Why People Pursue Love? The 6 Central Motivations
- 3 1. Intrinsic Motivation
- 4 2. Identified Motivation
- 5 3. Positive Introjected Motivation
- 6 4. Negative Introjected Motivation
- 7 5. External Motivation
- 8 6. Amotivation
- 9 The Surprising Link Between Motivation and Love Success
- 10 What This Means for You
- 11 Final Takeaway
Why Your Motivation Matters
When it comes to love, most people wonder: What really predicts romantic success? Is it timing, luck, personality, or simply effort? According to groundbreaking new research published in May 2025 in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the answer lies in something far deeper, your motivation for pursuing a relationship.
To many, love is one of the largest achievements in life a mark of maturity, stability, and contentment. To some, they pursue it, while others just have it thrust upon them. And for a surprising number, there’s even an increasing trend of individuals who do not necessarily feel the urge to seek romantic relationships either.
So what really makes the difference between meeting that special someone or being stuck endlessly on the dating scene? Let’s deconstruct what the science says.
Why People Pursue Love? The 6 Central Motivations
Chief researcher Geoff MacDonald and his colleagues wanted to know why individuals seek out relationships in the first place. By utilizing a 24-question questionnaire, they found six different motivations, each linked to personality features and attachment styles.
1. Intrinsic Motivation
- Individuals who pursue love because it is enjoyable, significant, and satisfying.
- They really care about strong bonds and long-lasting relationships.
- Such individuals tend to possess secure attachment styles and social aims.
2. Identified Motivation
- Individuals who seek relationships because they match personal values and life aspirations (such as family, friendship, and creating a future).
- Like intrinsic types, they prefer serious relationships to fleeting affairs.
3. Positive Introjected Motivation
- Those who date in order to feel good about themselves, admired, or accomplished.
- They seek approval and tend to fear being alone.
- Associated with anxious attachment patterns.
4. Negative Introjected Motivation
- Individuals who pursue relationships in order to escape guilt, shame, or inadequacy.
- They are afraid of being judged if they remain single.
- They also have issues with insecurity and anxiety in love.
5. External Motivation
- Individuals who seek love due to pressure from their families, social norms, or material/security incentives.
- They might feel compelled to date or get married.
6. Amotivation
- Individuals who have minimal or no interest in seeking romance.
- They may date without knowing why, or simply don’t care about relationships.
- Frequently accompanied by avoidant attachment styles.
The Surprising Link Between Motivation and Love Success
Following an examination of more than 3,000 single adults, MacDonald’s team followed study participants for six months to observe who was able to find a partner successfully.
The findings?
- Individuals with intrinsic and identified motivations were significantly more likely to find love.
- Those motivated by pressure, fear, or external expectations struggled the most.
In simple terms: if you’re dating because it feels fulfilling and true to your values, you’re more likely to succeed than if you’re doing it out of fear, shame, or obligation.
What This Means for You
This study proves a powerful truth: your “why” matters more than your “how.”
- If you want love to repair your self-worth or win someone else’s approval, you may not be ready for a healthy relationship.
- But if you’re really eager to share your life, values, and happiness with another person, you’re already on the right track.
Love shouldn’t be something you check off on your list or a badge of honor to show you’re worthy. It’s about development, friendship, and establishing something real. The more truthful you are with yourself regarding why you desire love, the quicker you will draw in your ideal match who holds the same values.
Final Takeaway
The most effective predictor of romantic success isn’t looks, wealth, or personality it’s drive. When your motivation for love stems from joy, meaning, and genuine connection, you’re positioning yourself for a lasting, satisfying relationship.
Next time you catch yourself asking why you’re looking for “the one,” take a moment and ask yourself: Am I pursuing love for the right reasons?
Because when you love for the joy of it not the pressure of it, that’s when it lasts.
