Can we take a break from this relentless pursuit to “upgrade” ourselves into better versions of who we are?
Recently, someone wanted to gift me a few books on spiritual healing and self-growth. I would have grabbed them with glee some years back, added them to my “to read” list, and probably completed one or two of them. But something flipped in me this time. Without hesitation, I said, “No thanks, I’m honestly tired of self-improvement.”
It felt strange but freeing.
We are living in a world that is obsessed with the need to become “better.” In fact, there is an entire billion-dollar self-improvement industry built on making us more productive, positive, or “healed.” Irony alert: I am a psychologist. I help people grow, let go of old habits, and live more authentically. I’ve witnessed transformation work, and I really believe in it.
But lately, I find myself wondering: at what point does growth become pressure?
Perhaps it’s due to my age, fatigue, or an onslaught of endless “life hack” advice. Maybe it’s just the relentless online noise coaches, courses, and challenges promising to make us “our best selves.” Whatever the reason, I’m calling timeout.
It’s time to ask: What if we stop striving and just allow ourselves to be?
Table of Contents
The Trap of Endless Self-Improvement
Eastern philosophies and meditation practices have long taught us to “just be.” Yet even those beautiful ideas can become another self-improvement trap in Western culture.
We tell ourselves:
- “I didn’t meditate long enough.”
- “I read the book but didn’t really understand it.”
“I should be calmer, happier, more mindful.”
And before we know it, we are judging ourselves for not being good enough at being enough.
That critical inner voice “you’re not doing enough, you’re not improving fast enough” never really goes away through more effort. It is in practicing self-acceptance that it quiets down.
The Relief of Letting Go
Every time I say, “I’m done with self-improvement,” something beautiful happens. They laugh, exhale, and their face softens.
It’s as if they’re thinking, “Wait, I can relax too? I don’t have to compete with myself to be better?”
That moment feels like truth.
I recall asking my son-he must have been only four years old then-what he wanted to be when he grew up. He looked up at me with an innocent expression and said, “Do I have to be something, Daddy?”
That hit me.
We don’t have to be anything more than who we already are. We, at our core, are enough.
If you want to read those books, take that course, or attend that weekend retreat, do it. But not because you think you’re not enough right now. Do it because you’re curious. Because it excites you. Because it feels right.
Not because you’re broken or need fixing. You are complete, and you are enough already.
