Domestic violence is a silent crisis that impacts millions of people globally. You might have a friend, co-worker, neighbor, or family member hiding in silence. Abuse frequently occurs behind closed doors, making loved ones concerned but not knowing how to assist.
As a prosecutor, I’ve seen firsthand how abusers manipulate victims to protect themselves from justice. One of the most powerful and dangerous tactics they use is convincing victims to recant their statements. Research reveals how this manipulation works and why so many victims struggle to break free.
Table of Contents
The Hidden Power of Manipulation
A research by Amy E. Bonomi and others (2011) investigated how abusers exert influence through subtle but potent means to coerce victims into withdrawing charges. The research examined live telephone calls between jailed abusers and their girlfriends.
The results were stunning:
- Appeals to Sympathy: Abusers framed themselves as “suffering,” describing unsanitary jail conditions, illness, or how they couldn’t live without their girlfriend.
- Deflating the Abuse: They minimized violent acts, presenting them in a less severe manner than what actually happened.
- Bending Blame: Couples framed the situation in another way, accusing the justice system of keeping them separated instead of dwelling on the violence.
- Collaborating to Construct a “Plan”: After being convinced, victims and abusers tended to operate as a unit rewriting the abuse narrative and agreeing on how to present it to officials.
This was not about love. It was about control. By making the victim feel guilty or culpable for their pain, abusers distorted compassion into a weapon of silence.
Witness Tampering Without Threats
We typically think of witness tampering as threats or intimidation. But the study revealed that most abusers used persuasion rather than force. Only one actually threatened the victim.
Rather, they depended on emotional cues sadness, guilt, and sympathy. Victims believed that silence kept the relationship safe, when in fact it shielded the abuser from consequences.
Why Victims Stay – The Psychology of Control
Victims themselves tend to hope the relationship can be made to work, in spite of the abuse. Abusers take advantage of this hope. By presenting themselves as the “real victim” of the justice system, sometimes perpetrators and partners identify with each other against the prosecution, an “us versus them” situation.
This pattern of manipulation makes escaping extremely challenging. It’s not weakness, it’s psychological coercion.
Breaking the Cycle: Prevention and Support
Domestic violence is a public health emergency, but healing can be achieved with awareness, intervention, and support. Here’s what we can do:
- If you witness something, speak up. Your voice may save a life.
- Encourage professional assistance. Hotlines, shelters, and counseling services are available for safety and guidance.
- Support without criticism. Breaking away from an abuser is complicated; victims need sympathy, not criticism.
With each step towards speaking up, we shatter the silence that enables abuse to exist.
Last Word
Domestic abuse is not only about physical violence, it’s about power, manipulation, and control. By learning how abusers employ emotional strategies to silence victims, we can further assist survivors in their journey toward healing.
If you or someone you love is a victim of abuse, call for assistance. Healing starts with taking one courageous step and no one has to do it by themselves.